Are you resilient? Have you got what it takes to ride the most challenging waves of life? As a psychologist with a PhD and 20 years experience I thought I did. But I was wrong. Through adversity, I found out the hard way that there is a big difference between ‘knowing’ about resiliency and stress management and being able to ‘expertly apply’ these skills when you need them most.
“When performance drives relationships business success is inevitable. However, when relationships drive performance, the urge to maintain the status quo will lead to failure”
“More teams (and businesses) are ultimately destroyed by unhealthy people-pleasing than by overt hostility and aggression”
A boardroom drama I will never forget: “What do you mean ‘we may be insolvent’? How much cash do we need? Why did we all agree to pay a dividend at the last board meeting if cashflow is so poor?” This team of directors was in trouble! Yet they were all highly competent, capable and overtly supportive of each other.
How did they get into such a mess? The answer lies in an insidious strain of conflict avoidance known as ‘people-pleasing’. This form of conflict avoidance has contributed to a range of major disasters including financial catastrophes, major industrial accidents, plane crashes, shipping disasters and company destroying product failures. [Read more…]
“Businesses don’t fail for want of intelligent staff, they fail for want of intelligent and courageous feedback” Unknown
“Feedback is the bridge between strategy and successful execution” Dr Pete
High performance teams thrive on feedback. But sadly, many of us avoid feedback and settle for mediocrity, whilst gossiping to our teammates about what is wrong and backstabbing our managers.
Having difficult conversations and giving staff feedback is tough! [Read more…]
“Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle” Plato
“Life is both ‘simple and hard’ but becomes ‘complex’ when we try to make it ‘easy’” Dr Pete
I am a fool. After all these years of research and clinical practice I still fall into the trap of thinking that people who are fit and healthy, good-looking, have extraverted personalities, shiny sport cars, happy families and an apparent lack of any personal problems, are role models of what it means to be resilient – but I am completely wrong! The notion that resiliency means you don’t have any personal problems is a myth!
I am also a fool when it comes to the subject of burnout! For years I thought burnout was some disastrous, slow-moving, hidden disease that was unstoppable once it started and only inflicted upon those Mother Teresa selfless type caregivers. I thought there would be no chance of recovery or return to health but rather a gradual slide into self-sacrificial oblivion which was only rewarded in heaven. The notion that burnout is both a complex irreversible phenomenon and only affects the selfless caregiver type is also a myth! [Read more…]
Everyone has a tipping point – when it all becomes too much. I had one the other day. After waking up too early with a new baby, followed by a multitude of regular waves and daily hassles, I had to manage a medical emergency with a family member.
I got home late in the evening and tripped over the kid’s toys and snapped! Luckily no-one was watching as I kicked the toys to one side and let out a couple of expletives before collapsing in a heap – exhausted and feeling like I couldn’t cope. [Read more…]
‘Forgiveness’ is such an important part of being able to recover from psychological problems and live a healthy and successful life. Yet ‘Forgiveness’ is often misunderstood and can lead to a range of unhelpful behaviors and consequences causing unnecessary harm to ourselves and others. In this article I want to share with you what the true meaning of forgiveness is and reveal the 3 most damaging myths of forgiveness and how you can avoid the mistakes and heart ache these myths may cause.
If you want something done ask a busy person! Benjamin Franklin
Have you ever asked someone to do something for you only to have to eventually do it yourself – often in a last-minute rush? At work I have suffered the ‘delegation curse’ of assigning a task to someone and then either not having it done properly and/or unexpected delays in it being completed. I then find myself either re-doing the task, (often when I don’t have time) or nagging and micro managing to get things done by due dates – only to damage relationships with my colleagues! [Read more…]
“Food is the most abused anxiety drug. Exercise is the most under-utilised antidepressant.” OrganicGuide.com
The other day I added a big bowl of concrete to my diet – yep not actual concrete but the ‘harden up’ attitude needed to get me to give up comfort food and get back into serious exercise again.
You see I had been in a bit of a slump – over tired from ‘sleeping like a baby’ for a few weeks (my 9 month old’s sleep /wake cycle was affecting us all!) and had got into some really bad habits around managing my fatigue by comfort eating… [Read more…]
‘The only thing constant in life is change’ François de la Rochefoucauld
What a big year 2014 has been! It feels like there has been more turmoil and change in the world this year than other recent years. We’ve had more than our fair share of wars, conflict, and disasters both man-made and natural.
We’ve also had an increasing recognition of the importance of global warming and climate change as well as the ever-present challenges of job security and financial pressures as we try to provide for our families and maintain some semblance of work/life balance. [Read more…]